The older I get

I can remember all the way back to when I was a little girl, I always had so many questions about life.  I never understood anything.  Now as an adult I find myself with more questions than I had when I was younger.  I just dont understand the way the world goes around anymore.  I have always had such a big heart, I have always been that one person who tries to see the good in everyone no matter what.   I guess you could say that has been a downfall of mine for such a long long time, it hasnt done anything but cause me such heartache, pain, and loss.  It seems to me anymore that people who want to be around you expect you to be who they want you to be, not too many people are very accepting of who you really are, they may tell you that they love for you for you and they may actually feel that way until what you believe and feel goes against what they believe and feel and then at that very moment they are ready to write you completely off.  You're never good enough, you dont dress like you should, talk like you should or think like you should.  I have had this come at me from so many different angles lately and honestly it has made me give up hope that there are any real people out there who really honestly accept people for who they are. It's very sad to me, I just think the world would be so much better if we all accepted who we really are but more so if we would all accept the people we say we care about for who they really are.  This is what we are teaching our children and its not just today, I grew up with it also, I always had a pretty face but was to heavy, or I never fit in because I couldnt wear a certain type of clothing, My family didnt have a lot of money and of course I was judged for that....and so on.  I dont want my children to grow up thinking that this is how things are suppossed to be.  At this very moment they are starting to go through all of this and it bothers me so badly and I only hope that I can undo the effects of it all for them.