As I think of the past 12 months I am so totally amazed at what all I have gone through and survived. What amazes me more is the fact that I have taken my children along this roller coaster ride with me and they have survived as well. Kids are so much stronger than we give them credit for and I know now that there is so much we can learn from them if we will just give them the chance to teach us. The biggest thing I have learned from my kids is faith....to have the faith of a child would be such an awesome thing to me and that is now what I am now striving for after all of these years. It doesn't matter what we put them through they still seem to be able to hold onto a belief that the world is OK and will continue to be that way. They love the ones who hurt them, they forgive with no question, they hold onto themselves and who they truly are...they are truly wonderful little people. I have found myself questioning myself as a parent a lot lately, my kids and I have been through so much "hell" in the past 12 months and where we have ended up for the moment is not at all where I thought we would be and in a sense I feel as if I have failed them. I am not perfect and they love me and accept that in me but I have failed to lead them by showing them how the love of God truly works. I want my kids to grow up and be happy to say that everything they learned in life they learned from me. Life gets crazy and chaotic and sometimes it takes us by surprise and sometimes the way we handle things is not the way they should be handled, we need to learn to lean on God more and less on people. It's good to have friends and I'm proud to say that I have some very good friends who are so dear to me but when it comes down to it the very first thing in our lives should be God. I am now...today...making a vow to myself and my kids to be a better mom and to try my best to set the right example for them.
I found this little writing that I am sharing on someones blog...I didn't write it but it sums up how I feel right now. I hope you get as much out of it as I did when I read it.
I will put my time with the Lord before the TV, the radio and even before good Christian books, for my children will know my priorities by the way they see me spend my free time.
I will make prayer requests known before God and my children, enlisting their help in the process and informing them of the outcome, for by letting them help when I petition our Lord they will learn of a living God who still answers prayer.
When times of crisis, conflict or confusion arise, I will hit my knees before I hit the phone knowing that by my example my children will discover that although friends are important, God alone is the one who holds the solution to life's every problem.
I will erase the words "luck" and "lucky" from my vocabulary and will instead by my speech point my children toward the One who orchestrates every detail of our lives and brings all good things to pass, for by this my children will learn of an omniscient God.
When bad things happen, I'll neither grumble nor complain, but will instead help my children see that in the scope of our lives even the bad times are allowed for a reason, for by this my children will learn quiet trust in their Maker.
When normal childhood mishaps occur, I will remember that although difficult, it is still easier to remove grape juice from off white carpet than to erase harsh and unloving words hurled at a child whose chubby little fingers have failed her, for by this my children will see a God who understands when our best efforts fall short.
When my children have witnessed something ugly in me - unkind words, an angry temper, "harmless" gossip, biting sarcasm or even my infamous "mommy pout" when things don't go my way -I will confess it as sin before them seeking their forgiveness, for by this my children will develop the much needed habit of wiping their spiritual slate clean before God and man.
I will teach my children the importance of cleanliness and order while at the same time remain
sensitive to the fact that a skinned knee or hurt feeling is more crucial than a spotless floor or uncluttered counter, for by this my children will learn to value people above things.
I will make time for the lonely, the sick, the elderly, the difficult to love, and will bring my children along, for with each afternoon visit, each ride to the doctor, each raked lawn or washed window they will have the opportunity to serve Jesus by serving the "least of these".
I will make our home a haven of rest and retreat from the outside world and a welcomed place for my children's friends, for with each impromptu backyard soccer game, each video viewed on a rainy day, each cup of hot cocoa or chocolate chip cookie, my children will have the opportunity to practice the art of Christian hospitality thereby learning to share all God has given them.
I will by my actions and speech let my children see a mom love their dad, for by this will my children sense family stability at a time when marriages all around them are crumbling.
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