Mixed Orientation Marriages

This is a term that I was not familiar with until my husband came out to me. We didnt really tell anyone about his "coming out" immediately because we were not sure how people would react so we kept it all a secret.  This was very hard for me because at a time when I was losing my husband I couldnt really talk to anyone because it was all still so hush hush, I felt so alone,  so while he went out to "find himself' I stayed home and turned to the computer.  I started typing in things like "my husband is gay" and what to do when your husband comes out and you would be surprised at how many resources popped up.  It is actually much more common than you could ever imagine.  This is where I discovered it was given the term Mixed Orientation Marriages...which is actually defined as a marriage in which one spouse experiences same sex attractions and the other spouse is heterosexual.  I found support groups and forums and was just dumbfounded at how many people had actually gone through this same thing.  I was led to a site called straightspouse and this is where I learned that I was not as alone as I thought I was.  I read over every single post and every response and paid close attention to every single emotion that was mentioned.  It really helped me get prepared for what was to come.  As I read for days I noticed a pattern, it seems that every spouse that comes out of the closet basically goes through the same phases...the coming out phase...the adolescent phase (which is exactly how it sounds)....and then the I want to get settled phase.  It was almost scarey to see just how many posts there were and how similar they all were.  It was a realization to the fact that so many people live life trying to hide who they really are because of the way the world we live in is.  This is something I will never understand.
I can tell you that the emotions that hit me the following days felt like a huge tornado..  I went from happy to angry to sad to numb in just a matter of minutes at times.  I felt emotions that I could not even begin to explain to anyone and it was so exhausting.  I felt as though I was in a grieving process and I guess I was, my marriage was dead and could never be brought back.  The pain was just so intense at times that I honestly felt like I couldnt breathe.  I really cant say how I made it through but I did and I did it with a determination to keep my family as together as possible. 
I still love my "husband" or STBX very much, he was my best friend for 11 years, he was my heart and he was all I knew so I could not turn my back on him.
This has not been a easy process for him (and from reading that is also normal also), when a spouse comes out most of the time its not as easy for them to enter into the world that they feel they should be living in and it comes with just as much confusion and pain as living "in the closet" does.  I have maintained a friendship with him up to this point, I have tried my best to be there for him as I always have.  I have seen him go through so much and at times my heart has broke for him, I just cant turn that love for him off.  Everything about the way we have handled this up til now has been so "out of the box" but honestly our entire marriage has been "out of the box".  We've always been kind of different with the way we have done everything.  I dont hate him, I hate what has happened ....but not him.  I hold so many precious memories in my heart of our life together as husband and wife and we created the most beautiful children I could've ever ask for.  Even though I am losing him I have gained so very much. 
So many people ask me how I do this, how I handle things the way I do.  All I can say is I have learned more about strength and faith in the past 7 months then I have my entire life.  I know that everything happens for a reason and even though I may not know that reason right now I know that God has something else planned for me.  I have no regrets and if given the chance I would go back and do it all over again, I would relive every single moment. 
Do I wish this would've never happened?  Absolutely...everything I thought I had planned out for my life has been completely jumbled and tossed about but there is nothing that I can do about it....except keep living and accept what has happened and also accept whats to come.